This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
