i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
