I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
