umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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