I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
