I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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