Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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