remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
