Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize