In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize