You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
