My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
