I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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