We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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