we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
