i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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