You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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