I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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