jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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