Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
