I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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