don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize