i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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