Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
