And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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