I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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