I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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