Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
