yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
