i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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