just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
