Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining

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  (305): If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining http://tfl.nu/lz11
  Replies (24) Good night (5428) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.

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  (415): Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius. http://tfl.nu/jxsz
  Replies (21) Good night (4916) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Marry him

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  (503): He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song. (1-503): Marry him http://tfl.nu/vquy
  Replies (39) Good night (9314) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.

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  (262): I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day. http://tfl.nu/uzwr
  Replies (15) Good night (5183) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

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  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (9073) Bad night (1078)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.

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  (914): This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive. http://tfl.nu/c66s
  Replies (11) Good night (1076) Bad night (3986)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?

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  (615): Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER? http://tfl.nu/yz8w
  Replies (14) Good night (5492) Bad night (1203)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow

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  (801): that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow http://tfl.nu/5dzd
  Replies (11) Good night (930) Bad night (4005)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.

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  (202): well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was. http://tfl.nu/pkp0
  Replies (9) Good night (2105) Bad night (1294)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.

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  (248): He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that. http://tfl.nu/b2kf
  Replies (5) Good night (2302) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave

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  (608): I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave http://tfl.nu/hose
  Replies (4) Good night (651) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.

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  (918): Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up. http://tfl.nu/f8tw
  Replies (5) Good night (718) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.

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  (330): I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend. http://tfl.nu/a48i
  Replies (1) Good night (628) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.

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  (713): walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain. http://tfl.nu/bj1a
  Replies (3) Good night (638) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest

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  (814): Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest http://tfl.nu/qbej
  Replies (1) Good night (588) Bad night (287)

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