Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.

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  (503): Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now. http://tfl.nu/gxcf
  Replies (7) Good night (1165) Bad night (2879)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

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  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
  Replies (55) Good night (7366) Bad night (1789)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.

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  (610): The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed. http://tfl.nu/1baq
  Replies (21) Good night (4240) Bad night (805)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex

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  (352): I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex http://tfl.nu/73ql
  Replies (13) Good night (805) Bad night (3879)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.

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  (205): She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem. http://tfl.nu/ppj9
  Replies (27) Good night (4450) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?

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  (781): what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to? http://tfl.nu/2zz0
  Replies (32) Good night (1230) Bad night (3153)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"

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  (587): the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away" http://tfl.nu/q751
  Replies (7) Good night (989) Bad night (4991)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.

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  (703): keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair. http://tfl.nu/vnaz
  Replies (3) Good night (2481) Bad night (804)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!

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  (615): Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget! http://tfl.nu/i6kv
  Replies (8) Good night (3868) Bad night (931)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.

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  (250): for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/4n1i
  Replies (7) Good night (3505) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing

  (408): View more from California

  it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"

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  (831): sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing (408): it's like you just said "i want you to suffer" http://tfl.nu/wbp5
  Replies (0) Good night (542) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.

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  (913): I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath. http://tfl.nu/ml02
  Replies (4) Good night (568) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.

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  (423): God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too. http://tfl.nu/jo5q
  Replies (10) Good night (1839) Bad night (313)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.

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  (405): Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking. http://tfl.nu/sqkf
  Replies (28) Good night (639) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?

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  (870): Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet? http://tfl.nu/5euz
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (608)

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