We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
