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a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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