So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thank you for not boning my boss.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?