well you can't waste a boner
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
