dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
