It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have fence marks all over my body
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
