so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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