He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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