I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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