I didn't shave. On purpose
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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