thus making me awesome and them whores
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
