Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I want to be your penis for a week.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
