u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
