My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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