so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
