my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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