Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
