It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
