Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
