you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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