We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
