Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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