I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
don't judge my taste in strippers
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
