The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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