I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I want to fling myself into the sun
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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