If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
