he shaved USA in his pubs
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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