fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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