real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
